The Real Confession | esohgee's Blog

Please forgive me for not being a great friend. I make the excuse it is her, and she does keep me off line some now, but the truth is that I'm afraid to let anyone in my life because she hurts people that get close to me or threatens to do things that will cause them pain or discomfort. So I keep everyone at a distance thinking I'm protecting them. However people can protect them selves and tend to just leave my life to get away from "us".

It has been too long since I let someone in, and I know that I will die alone now. Even if I get away from her. And I know this next bit isn't true in my head but not in my heart; I'll only hurt you if I let you close. I know that is her abuse talking, yet I can't stop thinking it. 

While I was typing this, my youngest gave me a kiss and an "I Love You". It makes me wonder what their future holds. I love them so much, and yet I'm a failure as a father to protect my self from her. In case you are wondering, they will not be able to take care of them selves well in the real world because they are kept prisoners in the house just like me. I try to teach them what I can in here, but when you aren't allowed to interact with the world, a time will come where they will be too scared or go wild.